it's curious to me when things go wrong
cascading into almost limitless expanse
what is even more odd is the sudden turn around
i continually model my world after laws
scientific ideals and truth that i can see and handle
and yet, sometimes, real life just simply
doesn't work

i guess...
well i don't really know.
but existence isn't comprehensible
and i've spent time reading and writing
contemplating and questioning what it all means
because meaning... well
meaning needs to exist when you have laws
predictability and principles
the core of meaninglessness is randomness and nothingness
the synonym, pointless
pointless
really meaning it doesn't come to a head,
never resolves
never really concludes or gives way to something else
it just is

things just seem to happen, good or bad
and i conclude them good or bad based on feelings i have
feelings given by complicated mechanisms that are almost literally
unexplained.
so for unexplained reasons (beyond the superficial) i feel
and those feelings constitute whether or not something is good or bad,
or in other words, hold meaning
and the feelings are almost random, unpredictable and lawless
literally without principle or prediction
and without principles or laws
really, it's meaningless
it just is

and if those feelings
(for which we live) cannot provide meaning
then what does?
and if life is built up of correlational feelings
then is life meaningless?
and if life is meaningless, and that is the reality of existence
what really is existence?
clearly it is not found by some deeper understanding
of the fate of humanity or the universe or anything
buried in books or nature
because all those things are baseless, meaningless
and quite literally
existence is beyond comprehension.