i've really took a beating
this last year home
it's been one thing after the next
like the world knows that i'm back
and needs to show me that it is in charge

i've had a number of failed attempts at relationships
school failures
frustrations and disappointments
heartbreaks and sadness

and through all of it i ask the important question why
why is this necessary, and why do i make plans
only to watch them disintegrate into the dust of the earth
(for unto dust we shall become)
to fall into the abyss of 'it might have been's'
that i seem almost tempted to fall in
myself

life is to be lived, i suppose
with its ups and downs
but when will my downs stop
and the up begin?
when will promises made be fulfilled
and when will real life begin?

i feel like i'm living a dream of 'one days'
like i'm permanently preparing for a life
i'm already living
one day i'll have a stable job
one day i'll afford that
one day
one day
and that one day becomes not this day
and not this day becomes never
and then again it is a 'might have been'

and when there is nothing left i begin to see myself
as a might have been
a what if
potential
nothing else but potential
i suppose that's what scares me the most
i have potential that will probably never be realized
i'll be that person brought up at dinner
'what did so-and-so do with his life? that boy had such potential'

and then the truth comes out
and the disappointment is made
and the dreams shattered
and the hope gone
and i just sink back into my own world
now wondering if i, myself
'had such potential'

maybe one day i'll realize it
one day