i am so easily obsessed
with one unsatisfied soul
i read happiness and excitement
and all i see is the one

in a way i'm grateful for this
because i see things in terms of the one
which means if one is in pain
i care.

but how often is that one
is simply an outlier
can never be satisfied and simply
i cannot help
i cannot fix
and i am powerless

how can i allow myself to release that
release that obsession i have with power
release that obsession i have with
satisfying everyone always

why am i so concerned of how people think of me
why am i so concerned with how i act
when in the moment i am who i am
and do not let anything happen?

people call me a 'strong personality'
i am not sure what that means
passionate? obnoxious? conceded?
strong seems like such a negative attribute
when i long to be meek and kind
and yet i'm not
i'm rough on the edges
i'm mean on the outside
yet i want the best for everyone
but yet i don't show it

i guess i could just let it go somehow
but my mind turns that itch into a bruise
scaring my brain with that knowledge that
i can't please everyone always
in fact, i can't please anyone, really
and i suppose that that is the lot of the last survivor
that i have no control over this world's events
well, because no one deserves this much punishment

except here i am
and i'm simply consumed by it
controlled by it
just give it time
just give me time