i removed the source of stress and anguish
and the removal caused more
there's a part of me that died,
while we talked on the phone
a part of me died as I said those words
'i don't want to'

so i've been spending my time
killing it with school and classes
waiting for the next big thing--
the next payoff--
the next reward--
the next high
but a part of me whispers
'you'll never get it again'

i know the choices we both made were wrong
both now and before
i didn't know what to do before
but i wish i knew what i know now then
because it would've spared me
the pain, the anxiety, the uncertainty
and maybe we'd work out

but 'what if's' only serve as a torture
played by that devilish thing called reason
so you can always regret and never forsake
your own little mistakes