I'm at the point in my life where everything that I wish was happening a few months ago are finally happening. My life is changing quickly for the better. I've been doing the right things, I've been getting ready to serve the Lord on a two year mission, I've been doing well in school, and I have a wonderful significant other.

There's snow on the ground and every time I look at it I think of the cleansing property of snow. The whiteness and purity makes me remember that I am becoming cleaner myself. I feel like for the past semester I was floundering in indecision--I couldn't decide on a major. I couldn't decide on a mission. I couldn't decide what I wanted to do with my life or even how I wanted to conduct my life.

The Lord certainly works in mysterious ways. I feel that knowledge suddenly poured out... and it wasn't when I was expecting it. I wasn't particularly prayerful that week, and I had temporarily stopped asking, kind of assuming that now that the semester had started and that I was going on a mission I wouldn't need any answers right then.

Then one thing after the next worked out. I realized what I wanted to do with my life. The girl I've been wanting to go out with said yes and we began a relationship. I turned in my mission papers and my parents are even coming to Utah about the time that I should not only be getting my call, but going to the temple. I'm doing well in my classes, and I am praying more than ever.

Honestly, I wouldn't be caught dead every saying "The Lord did this" or "I was prayerful" mostly because up to this point I always had faith and I always knew deep down the church was true, but I never wanted to express it. I never felt comfortable, even around other mormons, saying "I prayed about it and..." or anything of the sort. I have had direct answers to prayers in the form of action, more than just words. Every step of the way now I have been praying and every step of the way I feel guided that I am doing the right thing for me. I know God lives and Jesus is the Christ. I truly understand now the significance of the gospel and the powerful impact it has had on my life and the importance to stay pure and spiritually in tune.

I have the first of two interviews tonight required for my mission papers. I know I am worthy to serve the Lord because I have prayed about it and I know. I have read and read the passages where Jesus calls disciples and others on missions and out to preach the gospel and I know that it is the right thing for me to do. I no longer feel that I am obligated to go by any worldly means--I feel I am obligated to go because the Lord wants me to go.

Looking at the snow reminds me of this sort of rebirth I've experienced over the past few weeks. I can tie it back to many individual events, however, I think a key in that was my decision to be nicer to my roommates and to focus on the mission papers.

I had been facing a lot of internal and even some external opposition to me serving a mission while I had my papers open. Life seemed harder and life seemed to be going in every which way. I know now that this was because the Lord was trying my faith and I did realize that I did not, last semester, have a strong enough testimony to make the decision. I do now. It also was satan working me over to discourage me from going. I know this is true. The Lord has a great work for me to do in this world and I need to make the call--I can only imagine the souls that would be lost because I fell into temptation or didn't live worthily. This is more than my own head and my own Salvation.

In a few short weeks I will know where I am called to serve, live, and preach in for the next two years. I have strong impressions about where I will be sent, but I feel like speaking it a loud will violate the insights I have received and pondered about. I have taken into great consideration where I might be sent--and I have it in the back of my mind that where ever I am called is the right place for me to be called. The Lord knows, and therefore the prophet and the twelve know. I know I will be called where I need to be, and location and how foreign it is to me is only relative to the rest of the world and to the other members. This isn't a thing to parade about.

With that being said, I do not plan on posting on facebook or making a youtube video or anything about where I am called. In fact, I think my call is personal. Much like my patriarchal blessing, it is a personal communication from God telling me where I will go and what I will do. Of course that doesn't mean it's a secret--I will tell people and I will answer if someone asks. I will tell people I got my call, too. I just won't go posting it for everyone and their brother to see. I won't stand up in a class and announce "I have been called to _______" because they don't know my personally. At that point it's all about hearing the exotic place, or the not-so-exotic place so people can make quick judgments. 

I will be called of God to serve for two years.
To say that it isn't in the forefront of my mind when I go to sleep, when I wake up, when I am in class, when I'm with friends, or even when I'm eating would be lying. I cannot stop thinking about my mission. I cannot stop thinking about what I will do and how I need to conduct myself to keep myself ready to serve God. I need to be more diligent in studying, more diligent and prayerful about my decisions. I need to start the sleeping pattern soon. I need to do what is right.

abide with me; 'tis eventide
thy walk today with me
has made my heart within me burn,
as I communed with thee
thy earnest words have filled my soul
and kept me near thy side

oh Savior, stay this night with me;
behold, 'tis eventide.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, 'tis eventide.