well it's sunday at about 9:30 and I'm not studying. I have homework due in 12 hours and I need to get it done, then study for maybe two hours or so and then see how I'm doing. I think I'll do it, eventually.

but when is eventually and why do I have zero motivation again? I want to do it. I want to get a good grade on this midterm; is it because I did so poorly on the last one?

There's still hope George. Tell yourself that. Why don't you just do it. It's simple, really. Just do it. Do it for a few hours, do it all day tomorrow. Love and live it. Come on, it's not hard. Why're you so stubborn?

The more I contemplate my life and existence the more I want to go out and do good, I love doing good. I love serving others and trying to support and offer up help for others. I took pictures after church today for these people for free--I really should've been studying, and that killed literally two hours of my time. Two hours I should've been studying, but I wasn't. I was taking pictures for them.

And now here I am having done that and still my motivation to do school work has minimized. I've tried doing things that will spiritually uplift me, but still nothing comes. What should I do? I need to do this homework, I need to get it done. I need to study for this exam on tuesday, yet I haven't really done much at all.

I definitely need this break, but I want it to last forever. My motivation to go to school even has just deteriorated. Why, why why?

What can I do to get out of this? If I do what I think will help and it doesn't work out, it's going to be even worse. I need to just do everything I can to do better. I don't know what that is, though. I've done almost everything I can  think of. I gave service, I selflessly gave up my time today, and yesterday. I tried hard to do things that will cheer me up--ate comfort food, decorated, played games that'd make me feel better, watched movies that would, generally tried to improve my mood. Nothing worked this time.

I have this feeling I need to do something. It's strong in my gut, and I don't know what that something is. I feel like I should just do it, I suppose. What that something is I'm not 100% sure. I just have this unrest in my stomach, and I just feel like there's something I have to do. It's seems to be impeding my thoughts and judgment and, most importantly, my work ethic.

I need to put it aside. I don't know how to--maybe it's the spirit and I just need to do it?